this ones almost personal

So it has been a while since I wrote....just started writing back on little scraps of paper...but you know what the silliest thing is....I read them again and say...u know its pretty nice...maybe more people should read these....but then they cant coz its waaaaaaaaaaay to personal to show anyways....and then when I write something thats not too personal....then its just that...nothin touching....nothing extraordinary....so is my creativity "confined" to a certain..system?...or is it just that when I write to myself....it is so important to me that I can appreciate what I say to me much more?....or am I just delusional:)...maybe a little bit of each...

(* note boys: maybe comes right under the category of depends ;)

So last night we wanted to see a movie....I think Hitch is a good idea...in fact I think it is a wonderful idea!....but Mohit's seen it and from common consensus we come upon "Hide and Seek" (by the way guys check out the website...its kickass...NOW this is what you want to do with Flash!!). Not the best idea ive given into...but what the hell...you live only once......We reach the theater...after a thoroughly enjoyable ride with Mohit and the very sexy Arul;)...and I start thinking to myself again...why am I doing this again?...why did I agree to this?

But of course...no one should see how nervous I can get(everyone already knows I dont like this stuff....thats obvious...but no one needs to know just how much I don't like it)...and am I going to jump in my seat?....noooooooooo....I resolve nothin is going to faze me....not even the very sexy Arul with his evil laugh and ominous position right behind me. I slide further down into my aisle seat (all the better to sneak out of the theater with)...pull my jacket over me...and everytime the music turns up just the slightest bit I shut my eyes and think happy thoughts.....see very simple....I congratulate myself when I get out....

We make our way back to 33...(does even that number sound ominous now?)...with mohit and the very sexy Arul..with Mal,Ashish and Mittra in another car.....when we pull in I see their car and I wonder why the lights in their house are still not on....we enter....there are some shrieking sounds outside the door...the Frat house is having company tonite......the very sexy Arul stops to investigate (apparently even he likes to live vicariously through frat boys lives;) looking out of their window...and I hurry to switch on the light....im starting to get uncomfortable in the dark....

fumbling for the light switch the door right next to me swings open...and 3 idiots scream "boooooooooooo"....for a spilt instant I scream....with the shadows framed against the light in mittra's room...and the next instant I am soo mad ..so very mad that they would do something like this, I swing the chain for the chandelier...let them have it!...I throw my hands out...ready to get anything in the way...which unfortunately is poor ashish's ear:)...and then I break down...

Guys....when I said I was embarrassed I didnt mean the screaming....u all already know I don't like these movies....it was the crying that got to me...you SHOULD not have seen that....I covered my eyes with my hands and I could hear a voice inside me say...let go...its alright...let go...and im embarrassed that I did....

This,the very sexy Arul, is my control issue.....no one should have seen me that vulnerable.