Listen to the Silence
Listen to the silence.
Fucking words of wisdom.
Do they even know what silence is? The deafening sounds of nobody to hear you, listen to you, witness your life….the sheer terror of knowing that you are in this alone, everything thing u do., is your own fucking choice and everything you’ve accomplished means a shit load that you haven’t,…and its all your fault.
I wish I could believe in a god, a god who told me that he would take care of everything, good or bad…and that if I did something wrong I would be doomed for eternity, and someone, when I paid my dues, would give me a break.
I wish I believed in a happily ever after, a someone who was out there made for me. Someone who knew by just looking into my eyes that I was the one and I felt the same way.
I wish I could believe.
My name is Nupur..and I am a twenty-something independent brittle women.
My shell is oh so fragile; I feel like porcelain sometimes, looks like marble, shatters like glass. My glass is almost always half full…but that’s the fucking problem- it’s only half full.
Where does this story go? I don’t know, just another list of things that are as directionless as I am. I wish I could be less visible, or maybe just more visible. I wish my hopes and dreams would fade away into the sunset, take a bow, smilingly refuse an encore, “that’s all folks; all good things must come to an end.” Or that all these dreams just crystallized, my castle in the air, suddenly shimmered and snapped into place.
The only place where any of these can happen is the wicked wonderful world of the mind.
* old post, just comfortable enough to post it now*
posted by Natasha at 4:20 AM
6 Comments:
Wow !
That was a stream of consciousness !! Fortunately for you there is a word for the angst you are / were feeling - it's called "growing up" - two words actually.
- Uzma
P.S. Be happy it's half full, it could be half empty and that would be really sad.
hmm nats... poignant post .. yes.. it wud av been interesting to see what you feel about the post in hindsight :) .. just came here on a hunch tat u mite have posted something new.. and voila ;)
We are always in this alone. :) and that includes all of us. The concept of the lone ranger sits surprisingly comfortably with me :)
@thanx uzma, I guess I do come across ..angsty:) but believe me its a phase;) and yeah, growing up sucks sometimes..then again growing up also allows to you do things you never thought possible.
@arul, man we must have some weird syncronised telepathy, sheesh, thats a scary thought;) and im not surprised that you are comfortable with the lone ranger bit..not at all surprised;)
part of the reason we walk alone is that we don't trust anyone else enough to walk it the way we walk it!
be strong hon, you know you have it in you.
Wisdom of Tao Te Ching:
1. Don't think too much about stupid shit.
2. If you give things too much value, you're going to get ripped off.
Things written from the heart are the best reads.
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