Brown sugar hardens if its out too long....

So do people if they spend too much time with other people. Chikita says the one thing she thinks has changed since I came from India is that I have become aggressive.

She thinks I used to be this nice, sweet (mama's chweet lil girl - thats what I was teased as all through junior college, coz once when we were going on a college trip my mom came to the railway station and begged one of my seniors, my brother's friend no less, to take care of me.....sheeesh...mom I think you may have just scarred me for life;) who may occasionally be taken advantage of but whose heart was pure and smile genuine, now I'm this harradin who peers suspiciously at every offer of friendship, and wont let ANYONE get away with ANYTHING.....

ok. so she didnt really say that, but you get the message:)...am I more aggressive than I used to be? The answer is irrevocably yes, I could deny it, but my harradin-like nature would spark - Why would you want to deny this? Do you think thats its wrong? Are you ashamed of who you are? or who you have become???

I am not ashamed of who I have become, it is who I am...no point being ashamed of that......and I think it is mainly a good thing, when I was nice (note the was...)...I suffered from a common affliction called guilt.....if I was not nice to one person...even to be nice to another....I felt guilty....thats not to say that I didnt do that...I just didnt feel good about it.

Now its easier in some ways.....I have a voice, a not very nice voice, its sometimes petty, sometimes vain and very often selfish, but I feel better equiped to deal with the world now.

Hit me people, I got my armour up.



p.s....ok now I feel guilty about this, I wanna be the one with the pure heart again.......sigh...